lame

I forgot how borderline cathartic copious amounts of physical exercise can be in regards to smoothing over the cracks and gaping chasms that stretch out across endless fields of neurotic thinking and troublesome over analyzing. Don't get me wrong there are still experiences back there in the space time continuum that still make up apart of the jetsam and flotsam of the surface thoughts, but instead of being made up of bloated corpses (holy dramatic shit batman!) they're just chunks of plank wood and used condoms.
I guess they kind of go back and forth depending on the levels of endorphins playing dodge ball up in my average, over-sized human brain. Biking does dick all. I clocked 50km today (which isn't that much for me) and still had the angst! Grabbed an 8km run at midnight and felt incredible! I'm still feelin' pretty fuckin wicked right now, especially compared to the shit-tastic moods I battled earlier.
Anyway please hire a stereotypical 30's 'oh a wijhe guy sheee?!" gangster to bust my knee caps in with some kind of hilarious blunt object (dildo's are over-used, I'll be sad if it's a big rubber dick. be creative!) if I ever take such a long break from running. I used to go for 2 hours every night 6 days a week on top of other glorious closet-case-jock activities.
Sex is so weird.
When I was much younger I didn't get why anyone who wasn't white as a crackah could be or would be homophobic. I thought that the copious amounts of racism that had been inflicted upon them would make them somehow universally kind to anyone different.
People love to hate, it's one of the easiest things in the world you can do short of letting one rip beside a best friend.
Boy was I in for a shock!
But I digressed.
It's so damn nerve-wracking sometimes. And totally kick ass.
I never really had a typical big gay whore phase, hope I never do. It's always been fairly impossible for me to figure out some kind of mental loop-hole to trick myself into having disgusting casual sex with a stranger. My romantic relationships for the most part have always been unspoken connections that last for a varying amount of time before changing and moving on.
Apparently nothing lasts forever. I'm slowly starting to learn to be happy with a series of moments in a certain period of time and enjoying them for what they were and not mourning when those times are done and gone. People, romantic relationships, even friendships, they're so brief. In the much bigger picture we wouldn't even be considered as a blip. A tiny particle that was still chilling in an existence that a bunch of bipedal primates had no idea about.
So shit. What else are you supposed to do? Long term and heavy connections and sharing of time and space don't ever really happen, so go crazy or go zen.
Not gonna shave my head anytime soon, but I'll go for a change in perception.